tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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