he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize