my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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