Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
