twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
