Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
