I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
