That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
