I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
