My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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