Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
