Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
