did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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