We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
