goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
