i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
