the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
