then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
