I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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