if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
