Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
