Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
