Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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