So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Sober January is a disaster.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
These tits shall not be calmed
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
