Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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