his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
