Got a toothbrush?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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