soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
