dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
