Only a mothe r could love this liver
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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