I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize