Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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