my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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