so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Houston, we have a blender
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't deserve a penis
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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