Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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