so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
