Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
