i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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