they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
