dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
