I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
