i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
