yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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