Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
