Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize