OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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