So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
