my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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