I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
