Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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