"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
