they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
