I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
