I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
