ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
