I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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