The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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