im holly from the hills drunk
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
