just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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