Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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