So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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