he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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