i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
